omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
