just tell him i said nine months
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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