hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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