I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just puked most of my soul out..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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