Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
