my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
