you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
