when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
