bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
