i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Holy sore nipples Batman
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
