You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
