as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
