I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
im holly from the hills drunk
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
