i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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