tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
