omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
