I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
