the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
