I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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