I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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