the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
