I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
