i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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