You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
