So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
