No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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