i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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