I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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