There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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