Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
