i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
