Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
