For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
