I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
