just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
