I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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