I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
