he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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