i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
