I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
