She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
