please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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