you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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