Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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