I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
