Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
