All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
