The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
