i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she smelled like a LAN party
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
