turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
