you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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