Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
